There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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