Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow