Texts From Last Night

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  (325): View more from Texas

  Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.

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  (325): Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with. http://tfl.nu/wag5
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  (940): View more from Texas

  there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me

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  (940): there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me http://tfl.nu/wugh
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  (716): View more from New York

  My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics

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  (716): My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics http://tfl.nu/wc24
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.

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  (314): Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there. http://tfl.nu/ndt3
  Replies (24) Good night (4827) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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  (314): So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs. http://tfl.nu/hgyg
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?

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  (317): Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader? http://tfl.nu/orgq
  Replies (31) Good night (7709) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?

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  (803): Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything? http://tfl.nu/hmy2
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.

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  (205): I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030. http://tfl.nu/rrwq
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  (949): View more from California

  We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.

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  (949): We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom. http://tfl.nu/b4pt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.

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  (419): Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class. http://tfl.nu/zkx8
  Replies (5) Good night (834) Bad night (2439) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.

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  (724): The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost. http://tfl.nu/1p7q
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?

  (707): View more from California

  ...did you eat that brownie?

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  (423): Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic? (707): ...did you eat that brownie? http://tfl.nu/j241
  Replies (2) Good night (2190) Bad night (377)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.

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  (708): Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here. http://tfl.nu/8u6g
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.

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  (478): Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night. http://tfl.nu/09o6
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay

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  (613): i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay http://tfl.nu/bes3
  Replies (5) Good night (601) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt

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