so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.