Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."