More tranny stories later!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.