we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.