I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
