So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.