Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody