Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken