I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
