We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
