They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
