did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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