just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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