I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
