hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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