..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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