Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
