you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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