ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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