you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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