Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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