I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
