Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
