Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
