I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
