im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.