Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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