i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?