Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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