I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
