i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"