I need help removing her.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.