We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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