i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.