when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
