Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sobbing to NWA
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
