we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
