may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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