So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
