Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
