Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
