i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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