Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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