I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
