forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
