How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
