so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize