Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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