pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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