I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
