Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
