My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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