mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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