Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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