I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
