dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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