I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
