I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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