so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
