drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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