i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
