is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
