soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
