tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
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She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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