Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
