if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
