He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
