your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
