Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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