I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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