I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
