I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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