he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
