Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
