MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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