Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
